This is what happened today....

Sometimes it's so hard.... Like today.

I was so looking forward to seeing Ted* and I didn't. I had a feeling I wouldn't though because well, I had a feeling. Murphy's Law, when you'd like/need something it's no where to be found, but when you would not like/ do not need it, it's available everywhere.

It's so hard, because I'd like to find a picture of him and just look at it, so I can see him. But, I'm not going to creep. I'm going to contain my curiosity about this Gorgeous human being for a little longer. Until I can get to know him IN PERSON, as it needs to be.

It's hard also, in trying to keep other peoples' judgements of you at bay, or to simply be carefree about them. Today, the only co-worker that knows I like and have a SUPER crush on a customer, made me almost feel badly for saying, "I was looking forward to seeing him". I caught myself though, why should I feel bad? two things.... ONE. I shouldn't do or feel any other way than what I do feel and that is.... attracted to this beautiful soul that has had my attention since the first day I laid my big beautiful brown eyes on him... even through my thinking I liked Daren*... Ted* has always been one I look forward to seeing. He is a regular customer, a cute, friendly, regular customer. My attraction toward him has increased.... Considerably. Anyways, back to the two things.... so I shouldn't do or feel any other way than I do. TWO. feelings are Important. They allow us outlets for self expression and self growth. They help us in releasing whatever it is that is going on inside us, so why waste such an expression on negativity, feeling badly? why not feel great? INCREDIBLE, JOYOUS. EXCITED, WILD. ENERGETIC. LOVE.

Even in me saying... "it's so hard".... Yes, life is challenging at times, sometimes frequently, more-so than we would like, but that is what totally makes it worthwhile in LIVING. The Satisfaction one gets in overcoming ALL challenges.

My horoscope for the day was so beautiful and after reading it prior to and after my day... Helps to put things in perspective for me....

Courtesy of Phil BoothStars. "As long as you don’t allow your feelings to sink into the quicksand of fear, your difficulties will serve you well by making you more determined and resolute. Mercury is planting the seeds of a plan in your mind. They will quickly grow and blossom into a process that will inspire you to go out and begin a new adventure."

I feel like I am veering on discouragement with Ted* because this past week I have only worked three shifts and have not been at the cafe, most days to see him. And I feel like I cannot function....  But according to my horoscope I need not fall into the barrels of fear quicksand. I will be the opposite of fearful... I will be BRAVE, PATIENT, COURAGEOUS. And I will be GENEROUSLY rewarded, effortlessly and easily from the UNIVERSE by what will ensue with Ted*. :)

Here are some other things...

I did happen to see one of my other regular customers who is taking a course in the Image Arts building and working on a filming project. I was so excited to see at least one of my favoured regulars that I charged her incorrectly.... I charged her less. Oops, it'll be our secret. But money is money and funnily enough I was thinking of a way to charge her less. It turned out to work, but technically it should be coming out of my pocket - There is that word again, should. Hmmm, I need to create a challenge for myself and not use that word, Should and it's sister, Could and brother, Would.

Oh and this one incident, hit me to the VERY core of my being.... There was this smoker that decided to put out his cigarette on a tree. A baby tree at that. On our University campus. HOW DARE HE!!!!!!!!!! ANd I felt like Pheobe from friends when she asks that guy to apologize to the tree because I did this too. People think they can get away with the most cruel and senseless acts.... HA, Not on my watch. I was furious and I showed it. But hopefully the experience taught him to THINK before he acts.

Boom. I'm out. I'm going to find something to watch.  And then hit the hay and dream about the Dream Boat Man, Ted*.  That is a Beauty of an idea. :)

Bon Nuit.

* name altered