Discovery 101

So, I made a discovery and I am going to share it here.

I've embarked upon a journey that is both scary and exhilarating. More exhilarating than anything!

For the past little while, I've been employed by places that don't satisfy my crave to do something that sings to my heart and opens my soul to experience life as I am meant to experience it.

So... I've decided to resign my latest position, which is in sales and work on something I love.... Dreamcatchers! Connecting with the unseen forces and Spirits of Nature and creating a healing Dreamcatcher for those that are open to honouring all that beings that are encompassed in making one... it's also apart, a very large part of my healing journey and my self-creation.

That's right, I'm making Dreamcatchers and going to be showcasing them in an upcoming gallery's X-mas show, as well as... well, I won't share too much of the other part just yet.

Today, I went into my friend, Herbert's * thrift shoppe, about 10 minutes from my house. Herbert* wasn't there, instead it was another person who my friend had watching the shoppe for a little while. Herbert's* sister got knee surgery and needs Herbert* there to help with the recovery.

So, I went in to pick up some things and ask Herbert* if I could hang a few Dreamcatchers in his window. Some people are particular about that... This other guy, let's call him Smith* who I spoke to about my Dreamcatchers, said that it would for sure not be a job that can help bring in income- he asked me what I am doing, and I told him making dreamcatchers. He told me of a friend of his who did that back in Hungary, Smith* is from Hungary and he said that his friend was doing that on the side of his other job and that's when he said what he did.... PSHHHH...I was taken aback and off put by his unsupportive remarks.

When I left to walk the piece of furniture I picked up, home, I started ruminating over, "why did I allow his comments to hit me in the manner they did?" And then the answer came to me....

First off I'd like to say words are fuckin' powerful, so powerful and when something someone says rubs one the wrong way or makes one feel any less than amaZing, walk away!

So, my discovery was that the reason I disliked his viewpoint is because it was unsupportive and it did not agree with mine, and that is, that it is remarkable what I will be embarking upon and whoever doesn't like it... Well, that's okay, it's not for the approval of everyone and some people are going to love it and others not and that's okay.

Smith* is entitled to his opinion, yet furthermore the reason I was disgruntled was because I grew up with a highly unsupportive father, who time and time again, in spite of my efforts to seek his approval and his support, would simply be disappointed because it was unattainable. And those kinds of unsupportive, critical comments make one feel like staying silent for fear of being acknowledged in a manner that differs from the intended acknowledgement. ie, one of "OMGosh that's so cool," One more aligned with support and "approval" <-- this is something I further need to reflect on.

One is discouraged from opening up to that person, or anyone for that matter because they continually feel like they are lessened in the eyes of others, made to feel inadequate, and not good enough. When quite the contrary is true... All that matters is my opinion of me, so why do I give a shit what people think of my path?! It's not their's to understand, it's MINE!

So, I've realized this and I've realized that since it has been evident in my childhood, I have shown my father my back, at times, as I choose not to open up to him because of his critical, unsupportive nature. Unfortunately, that is the case. I would like to say that it is only parts of me that shut down and turn away but it's more of myself, more like all of me that has done this, which has in turn lead to my father feeling rejected or that he is not close to me. It's kind of his own doing.

The other thing that crossed my mind was why do we humans spend so much time bringing people down as opposed to lifting them up? Why waste our energy on de-valueing? Do we not know any better? And then I realized some more that people are writing their own stories, what Smith said to me, was a reflection of his own feelings of himself and what he chooses to do, or not do, also, some people live to put others down, it's their only way of being successful.

WOW, all of these discoveries made me laugh to myself and thank Smith* for his interaction with me, without which I would not know something deeper about myself.