Is Caring too much a Crime?

When did caring so much become a crime?

Today I realized that the freedom comes when I let go of feeling like I need to know... caring enough to know, thinking that it is related to the way I carry out my reality if I know, thinking; feeling that if I knew this, if I knew that, I would be influenced greatly and I would be influenced, so much so that I would BE much better to carry out and live a life that is, in some way, better than what life I lead now....

This thought pattern is not fair to me. It does not do my existence justice. Think about it, I allow another's choices to affect me in the profound manner that they do, instead of it being constructive, it is in fact destructive and I am allowing this to persist... That is, giving them, that individual as well as their story, so much more power than MY story! It's certainly not fair to me,  or to that other person. Living out my life as though theirs is more important than mine, or that mine does not matter.... WE are both equally amaZing BEings and we both deserve the recognition for what it is we got placed on this Earth for. OuR GIFTS and OuR tALenTS!!!

To care to the point of debilitation, if certain things are not shared is simply ridiculous... and rather consuming... pointless. Why am I allowing this to occur?

The following is a posting to a facebook wall of a group I am in:


Hi Loves,

So I am feeling inadequate... these feelings have arisen in me because of a recent exchange with Ashlene*. Basically, we had arranged to do something together yesterday, take pictures of some materials for the DreamCatchers I make, I was busy doing something important to me- dream recording, when she asked that I get my stuff ready. This photoshoot was contigent on the weather and Natural Light as this is the BEST light for photos.. I didn't say it at the time, that I was unavailable because in the end, it's really for me and the website she is building for my business, so I thought to myself dreamRecording is something that can be done another time; but, I chose to tell her after the fact.... I shared with her last night that I was busy doing something when she asked me to get my materials ready for the photoshoot and therefore was not available. However, went ahead and did it (the photoshoot) anyway.This morning, rather moments ago she told me that if I am unavailable, to just say it... I know I am learning to communicate more, vocalize my feelings and so I shouldn't beat myself up when I don't talk or open up about things that need to be shared, ie. my availability, etc. , because I am living in human form and learning by experience...But why do I seem to put myself second? It's like I compromise myself, in a sense to accommodate a schedule that was somewhat unfixed and now I feel badly for not going through with more photos, which were going to be taken today with the Sun out and Shining!!!! I feel she is on a pedestal in my mind and all I wanna do is strip that thought pattern from me.... what is it about me that I seem to always place others on pedestals? Thoughts? Feelings? Inspiration?

I didn't get many responses. If I did I haven't checked again today, but the point of this all is... I am doing this to myself and why? I love myself, do I not? then why am I doing something detrimental to my BEing? It makes little, if any sense to me... Seriously, why does it matter to me what Ashlene* is doing with her day, where she is going, what time she will be back? etc. Does it really impact what I am going to be doing with my life for the day? Nope.... does her path influence mine??? Kind of, in that we are related, but also not, since we both have our distinct directions we are walking... I go South, she, North, although not always...

A lesson is being and continued to be learned in the making.

* Name changed for protective purposes.