Feelings out in the open.... READY, set, Go!

And so here I am. I'm going to be as honest with you as I know I need to be with myself.

Disclaimer: This is highly personal and can get very deep.

I like you. Or maybe I like the idea of liking you....Either way, I feel attached to you because my emotional investment in "this" has been for a greater period of time than I would really care to admit. In June, perhaps even in May,  is when it started. When I first saw you, your beautiful blue eyes, your big, open, clean, pure heart, your kindness & compassion. All of this and so many other undefinable things were just there, present in your BEingness. I was so excited and in AWE to witness it everyday, or nearly everyday. It brought joy to my heart and a smile to my face. It was bliss, it is bliss knowing you.

I would like to feel something more than what I do right now. I feel neutral about a lot of things.... the prevalence of this stagnant energy is consuming. I would like to do something so passionately spontaneous that it blows your socks right off - by the skin of your teeth. Hahaha. I'm doing good- in an excellent mood today.

I love spending time with you, getting to know you is all so invigorating. The first night I caught myself thinking, "wow, this is actually happening. He is sitting right next to me, I can't believe it!"And then there's this thing that's keeping me reserved and yet keeping me coming back for more - it's fear btw, partially. I'm scared, terrified actually of receiving what it is I feel I deserve. And thinking about this just makes me cry.  That is the side of me, my emotions that are overflowing yet "difficult to explain" (or, so I would like to believe). I feel there is a side of me not opening up because of that fear of me getting hurt.... well, boyah Natasza, because as much as we try to prevent hurt and pain, it happens, pain is growth's evil twin. In essence, pain is good.

I'm trying to work around this idea that things unravel as they need to. They do, they really do. After-all, the Universe is wonderful, as many times I try to deny it or her beauty I know that she is great, a beautiful crazy mystery. And I have lived to love absolutely every minute of it.... In spite of feeling otherwise at times.

Yes there is your life and my life, naturally there needs to be. We are all walking our own paths and need the freedom to do so. I am battling in a long way to begin mine. Find my truth, or accept my truth and come to some decision as to how I will aspire to make it ALL happen. That is something else that is taking place in my life, pretty much there, in it's full frickin' throttle.

I've asked my guides... Our lives are interwoven my friend, for the worse and for the better. I'm ready for it or, maybe I have to convince myself that I am. But I'm here and I'm doing things that I need to do, as are you.  The blood line, you're a part of my life now, perhaps it's my tenacity but I'm not letting go anytime soon.

I've been listening to this song, throughout the duration of me writing this entry.... I've come to believe it's very fitting.

P.S.
This is me, a part of who I am

Collapse, Crash, Boom, Aw, Yay.

Today while eating breakfast I was pondering a thought.... what if the market was really a free one? No, "free market" economy with little government and state control, but what if there was just no money. Period.... let's sit with that for a while and breathe that in.... NO MONEY!

That would mean, everyone who worked would be considered volunteers and would do it for the sheer pleasure of doing something good, you know because it feels good in your heart as opposed to doing it for the paycheque one receives every two weeks or, in some cases every so often.

Imagine that though. That would mean everyone is on the same boat in terms of socio-economic class, perhaps that kind of categorization doesn't even exist?.... unfortunately there are those that would be more inclined to take a lot more than others and leave little for those that remain, but I'd like to think that there would be equal sharing among society's members. So barter and trade, sharing, LOVE and compassion, kindness and light, beauty and breath, that's it. Breath that in, what a wonderful thought eh?

Utopia in my mind or my shot at trying to change the heavy system upon system that is already built up within society, within our mind so high that we need about ten thousand bulldozers to knock them down and out of our BEing for good.

Have an incredibly BEaUtiful day today. Go out and do some good! :)

My writing, my outlet.

Hello world!

Last night and tonight were the nights I decided to watch a documentary film on psychotropic drugs.

What lead me to do this was actually a short film on education by Ken Robinson. He mentions ADHD in his film and says that he believes it doesn't really exist. I agree because it is one of the made up "psychological disorders" claimed to be so by pharmaceutical companies and psychiatrists alike. In fact, it is probably in the DSM.

 EEEEEEEEEEEE (imagine the dead tone of a heart monitor in the hospital).

Anyways it is a film that has opened my eyes, even more so than they are already.

I have graciously been raised by my mom and dad, respectfully. My mom has high values when it comes to health and alternative medicine. I love her for it because that means that I have not had any needle injected into me, unless it was for drawing blood.

ANd my kids... the ones that I will one day have, will not touch or even go near such things as this toxic stuff. If my life depends on it....

To all who read this. The following is a STRONG recommendation for you all to watch. be MINDful!

I don't think I posted an announcement on this, but I went back to Trinity Bellwoods the following morning and retrieved my Moqui ball from under that wonderful great tree that protected it so. Thank you tree. :)

Water and Earth

The compatibility of the turtle and frog clans brought tears to my eyes!

Awoken at an early hour

It's almost 20 after 5 and I cannot sleep. Some people believe this is due to others thinking or dreaming about you.... I can agree, but other reasons for me being awake may possibly be having too much on my mind, something happening to any one particular loved one or any other kind of Powerful Universal Shift.

I would love to contact everyone I know to ask if they are safe and Happy.

Or maybe, mine being awake has to deal with the fact of me not being able to get my stone out of my head.....  a stone that came into my life, for a reason and I know that if I am unable to find it today that it is the will of Devine Source,  yet it is a stone that is dear to me and that does resonate quite a bit.

Or Perhaps, get this? the New Lunar month began at roughly the time I was awoken, 4:30ish. Gotta  Love the Universe.

Creator, you are a wonderful, beautiful mystery to me and I adore you!

Moqui Ball please come back to me! :)

This afternoon I spent some time with a very special person. Now, I do not know when this took place but I lost my Moqui ball shaman stone. We were hanging out in the park so hopefully it is by the tree we were sitting next to. I will definitely need to go back and see for myself tomorrow... here's hoping the Universe knows what is best.

Good night world!