thoughts....

Today was a glorious day! After leaving Gifts from the Earth, a crystal and stone store on the Danforth of Toronto's Greek town I had a HUGE smile on my face, for the 20 minute bike ride commute that it took me to get to work. I just bought a crystal that wooosh, just connected straight away to my soul.  I was ecstatic and high... on love and Mother Nature. It was drizzling rain and overcast and completely stunning.  It was so BEaUtifuL. Simply exquisite. Breathe that in.

I am going to go ahead and say this because as the title suggests, it is a thought, thoughts that have been in my head and therefore must be released, not because I  am writing this covenant with the Universe whereby the thoughts I have and share, manifest themselves, but because I need the ventilation and space to BREATH. It's been a long time coming. So here goes,

 Ted*, I totally wish I was sharing this with him right now. I have not seen him for about a weeK. That is, interacted with him. I saw him maybe once on Tuesday walking by the cafe but that was it. I was so excited everyday this week so far, to come into work in hopes that I would see him. I have chocolate for him that has been in my bag for almost two weeks. It is AMAZING chocolate too. delicious, heirloom, organic, raw, Ecuadorian chocolate. Well as the day progressed and my shift droned on, no such luck. Because I didn't see him - physically in front of me, for the past few days now. I kept on telling myself, tomorrow, tomorrow, I will see him tomorrow. Most definitely. Well, zilch, nada. Nothing. NOT YET. Tomorrow is a new day though. I've got a ton of hope! And a hummingbird in my heart that is waiting to see him, so it can fly. :)

And so the thoughts in my head carry on in the precarious manner that they are. What did I do to make him not come in? (Of course, my ego wanders into the territory of the justification being personal BUT it is a choice he is making, a conscious or unconscious one, that question remains yet to be answered.) Does he have a girlfriend? Did he get one over this long Canada-day weekend?  Did he realize that he can not continue to flirt or have the temptation to do so, because he has to remain loyal to this (supposed) giRLfriend of his? Is he just too busy to come in?  (come to think of it, I haven't see many of my regulars for this entire week) is he trying to scale back his spending? shed a few pounds? and this one is the BIG one..... has my calling him, through my HEART and SOUL, and has my constant thinking of him, scared him off?

He used to come in EVERYDAY, sometimes twice or three times a day and now.... suddenly a STOP. What does that mean?  What was keeping him coming in? My energy? My soul? His spirit? His Heart?  And now that I have lead him and myself down this path.... is it something that he is unsure of? Something that he has to think about before making a move? Or is it the Universe's way of testing the waters to see if this is for real, and worth waiting for? Dear Universe, you have no idea how patient of a person I am. I am tenacious and persistent. I will prevail!!! :)

All this time, all these thoughts racing around in my head has just put me in such a mood that makes me feel like going totally and utterly bonkers in front of him and asking him out. Asking him ALL these questions that my ego feels need answering. Not to mention just thinking about our next point of interaction makes me feel incredible and like I have absolutely unstoppable energy. YAOWZA!!!!!!

On top of this. Daren has somewhat come back into my life. Although I do not know the reason for it. I have no interest in him. I am sure, he's a good looking guy and sweet enough to say bye to me and wink, and attempt to make conversation with me, when I have A LINE up, but it is Ted* that has my heart. His blue eyes, his awareness, his assertiveness, his gentleness, his thoughtfulness, his politeness, his jokes, his smile. his SOUL. our souls are interwoven with one another and I need a sign, dear Universe. truly. I am going away this weekend to my friend's farm and I sure would love to see Ted* before I leave. Find the clarity I need by talking with him. Find peace in my heart by sharing the chocolate I love with him. Universe please. Enough is enough. I respect your mysterious ways please make your mysterious ways result in a Natasza Orozco-Feick and Ted G*. (his last name is unknown but it totally starts with a "G") interaction, tomorrow.  :) Mig-wetch Universe Mig-wetch!

* name altered