Our paths are very different, that is what I need to keep reminding myself. As much as I would like to believe we need to grow together. I think, what we need is to grow apart.... Maybe, at least today, right now. You seem so distant and that makes me reluctant to share my life with you. How can there be closeness in this? Breathe that in..... I do not know what is going on in your head that makes you feel like you are not able to, or, just prefer not to share things with me???? Whatever it is, it's your own right and I respect that but it still bothers me something fierce.
I would love to be involved in your life! Not only, what is going on with your friends, or not going on, but what you are fEEling, what you are tHINKing and just really... what is going on inside. Your healing process..... I can help. This is what I am trying to say and I feel you do not recognize my presence.... maybe I don't feel you do.
I know that this is something that is extremely intimate to you and again, it is your right to keep it to yourself. But I would like to be let in. As your sister I feel I deserve that much. I know, I know.... who am I to say "I deserve this and that"... But, C'mon, I am after all THE most amazing person..... hahahaha Okay, okay so I may not be the only AMAZING person, but I am one of them. And I can state that with a smile on my face and with conviction in my heart.
There has to be something further than a simple, "thanks for sharing". Surely my thoughts and words evoked some sort of feelings, or thoughts in you. (May I be bold and say:) Perhaps, you are not ready to release them, share them, or accept them?
That's it. My life seems to constitute my interaction with my family and friends, and the special Ted*, who by-the-way, I will be seeing TOMORROW Universe. That is right!
P.S.
Carnelian, you are sleeping with me again.
LOVE,
Natasza
*name altered
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