hmmmm, Angelica* I love you. And I very much enjoyed our time together today. As much as I feel a year ago I would have been hurt with the information you shared with me today, I could not be more happy. I love that you are happy. No regrets, right? WE are all where we need to be on our paths....
Today I saw a friend from a place I used to work at. We go to the same University and it had been a while since we last spoke to one another and caught up. She tells me that her and I guy I used to like are dating..... smile inducing ALL over. I have absolutely no hard feelings for either of them. They're happy, I'm happy. And I'm in a place right now where all I would like to do is love everyone. I feel an itch to be intimate with people too. Something my body is craving to explore.
I wrote the former portion of this post yesterday.
I am writing the latter portion of this post NOW. Today, I don't feel different however, there are just some things I feel need to also be mentioned. 1.) Guilt, I feel the guilt Angelica* felt is the something that brought us together- that instigated the get-together, she had to tell me about her and Tom*, otherwise the guilt would eat away at her... couldn't have that could we?- Guilt is something that is apart of the ego, and it's a drive to survive, because of the fear that if it is not taken care of, the ego will be annihilated. It's a very selfish emotion. I personally prefer to get together with someone because of the good feelings that are shared between us, not for anything presumably bad happening, or a feeling a guilt. I feel like it was such a botched plan...I actually feel a little hurt that the main reason why she was interested in hanging out was because of this. But, it is over and I reacted how I reacted and that's all. It's perhaps something that she needs to work on as that is where she is in her life right now.
2.) Confidence, I know there is a place where Angelica* feels so insecure and self conscious and I would love for her to really step out of that doldrum of the mind, but again I am making a plenty of inference. Again, it' something that requires work and it's easier said than done, as well as something of what she needs to work through. 3.) Too open..... this is the part that gets me every time... I feel as though I AM too open with people, especially when her and I have drifted, and after yesterday's meeting, I feel we will possibly even continue to drift (and that's okay with me). But the information I share... hahaha when I get started I guess because I crave understanding from others that it's like a switch that is stubbornly ON as opposed to the easy to shut off switch. Areas of my life do not need to be shared with the entire world and I need to learn to shut off and partially shut down when I am asked to share.... Even though many people in my life, listen.... I've had enough. Maybe this is one of the bigger lessons I need to learn. After all everything that happens, happens with a Devine purpose in mind and me constantly being the one to talk or talk a lot, is exactly what needs to happen at that time. And yesterday was attestament to how reserved I do need to be with certain individuals. Angelica* and Tom*, according to her, feed off each other. They are both air signs and it makes me somewhat sad that I have not found my Prince Charming yet (key word, my- as he will be Prince Charming according to my standards). Anyways so yes, a little envy, or perhaps coveting, even that though I need to feel and release because being jealous has no purpose in my life and is a waste of good, valuable energy that could otherwise be used positively.
There is a question that runs through my mind as well, "Would she stop seeing him if I was upset?" After all, we are not that close to justify an end of something that makes her happy. She owes me nothing.... But again, something that doesn't necessarily make sense to question being I responded the way I did and that is it!
All of life is great, and we shall see what the Universe has in store for me! :)
* name altered
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