THIS winter....

This Winter has truly been a long and heavy one.. It's been so extremely slow and tiresome.

I love spending time with myself, don't get me wrong, but it's time to meet new people! Seriously, I've been cooped up inside for too long and it's wearing me down...My choice, I know, it is rather the challenge to meet someone, or people in general in the cold, though.

Yesterday I left the house on a sour note. I was confused and ill-willed. Earlier I had read this quote about how when one lives through ego, they live to have things fall into place and then find their peace; whereas, if one lives through Spirit they seek to find their peace & then allow everything to fall into place... After reading this I was like,what is my peace? Chocolate? Stones? Being alone? and then I had this thought that I've been living through my ego (to an extent we all are, I mean living entirely through spirit.Well, I believe one doesn't reach that until they are really attuned with their intuition and have been living on their Spirit plain of existence for a while)... I am waiting for things to fall into place in my life, and then subsequently find my peace afterwards.... I could complain and list off all the things that I'd like to change about my life, but it would be a waste of my energy, because I know I need to make improvements to my life, in every aspect and it wouldn't serve me a great deal... or perhaps, it would serve me in the greatest of deals.

I don't like feeling like I am doing things in the wrong way. I need to continue to tell myself that there is absolutely no wrong way to do anything, it is all about your own perception about what it is you are doing and the way you are doing it. I also feel I need to meditate on this thought because it is a recurring one. WRONG vs. RIGHT.

As I continued walking toward my destination I remembered a more important revelation, "everything is exactly as it is meant to be" and "I am exactly who I need to be on this portion of my path" so regardless, of me feeling inadequate or confused about the way I am currently living, I know it is necessary for the development of my future, as my path unfolds beneath my feet.

I will also say this.... finding your peace is not an easy task... you need to know yourself well, and that is a difficult thing to do when you feel you've been lost for a long time... That is me, in a nutshell. This winter has turned my world upside down, inside out. I'm itchy and uncomfortable, constantly readjusting and I have been left feeling very lost. To the point of rediscovering myself as a pertinent undertaking. :)