All I want is for you to text me to contact me to tell me everything is good with you. That's all I ask. But I know you have three more exams to study for, so as much as I want to talk to you, I also don't want to be more of a distraction then what I have been over the past couple of days.
This is going to be the hardest week.
Monday 28 February 2011
Sunday 27 February 2011
So I recently discovered that I've been claiming to be a vegetarian for several years now and am not one.
I am what they call Demi-Vegetarian, but those are people that are just starting off with a Vegetarian diet. I guess I haven't gotten past eliminating the dairy or eggs and fish in my life. To be honest I don't think I ever will.
I feel bad to everyone I lied to, if it can be lying... All I did was think something was the truth and tell people that. I apologize if it's worth anything.
And hopefully I'll be able to rectify myself.
I am what they call Demi-Vegetarian, but those are people that are just starting off with a Vegetarian diet. I guess I haven't gotten past eliminating the dairy or eggs and fish in my life. To be honest I don't think I ever will.
I feel bad to everyone I lied to, if it can be lying... All I did was think something was the truth and tell people that. I apologize if it's worth anything.
And hopefully I'll be able to rectify myself.
You say suicidal attempt. I say coward. That's what you are for not manning up to your responsibilities and putting in effort to get yourself out of the rut you have put yourself in. No-one is to blame but you. It's a hard reality to accept but it's the truth.
I love you and I want to see you succeed, but you really have to do that all on your own. With help of course, yes. But alone for the most part as it is you and only you who has control over your life.
Today you made me cry, for only a few minutes, nothing over the top balling or anything, but it was crying, something that I don't do. So when I do cry, however brief the tears are, they are real and meaningful.
You made me cry with the thought of you NOT in my life, buried somewhere six feet under. You made me cry with the thought of how you think you are worthless. How can you believe that about yourself? You're not, you just have to find that worth somewhere!
How would we be able to honor your death if you were to do that to yourself? Your actions would be a testament to how well you were raised and that kind of behvaiour tells people that you were not raised in the most pristine condition. That you're weak, as much as I hate to say it. Yeah, life's tough and people have a whole bunch of problems to deal with but they get by. You saying that you're going to leave this earth sooner then necessary tells everyone that you are not a fighter, but a giver-upper. And not strong enough. You are, you just gotta believe that too. It's sad you don't.
Go get HELP. PLEASE, you need it. http://www.dcontario.org/help.html#toronto
I love you and I want to see you succeed, but you really have to do that all on your own. With help of course, yes. But alone for the most part as it is you and only you who has control over your life.
Today you made me cry, for only a few minutes, nothing over the top balling or anything, but it was crying, something that I don't do. So when I do cry, however brief the tears are, they are real and meaningful.
You made me cry with the thought of you NOT in my life, buried somewhere six feet under. You made me cry with the thought of how you think you are worthless. How can you believe that about yourself? You're not, you just have to find that worth somewhere!
How would we be able to honor your death if you were to do that to yourself? Your actions would be a testament to how well you were raised and that kind of behvaiour tells people that you were not raised in the most pristine condition. That you're weak, as much as I hate to say it. Yeah, life's tough and people have a whole bunch of problems to deal with but they get by. You saying that you're going to leave this earth sooner then necessary tells everyone that you are not a fighter, but a giver-upper. And not strong enough. You are, you just gotta believe that too. It's sad you don't.
Go get HELP. PLEASE, you need it. http://www.dcontario.org/help.html#toronto
Wednesday 23 February 2011
Tuesday 22 February 2011
fml
This is probably the most selfish thing I've ever said...
But I don't care that you are happy...... I don't want to see how your life turned out so perfectly and how I am left picking up the pieces of mine. You can just go FUCK OFF for all I care...... I'm miserable and I don't want, well first of all, I don't want to be (who wants to be miserable?). But I don't want to deal with people who are happy. Seriously I am simply not emotionally strong enough to do that, especially when I'm in this state of mind. Usually I can tolerate how happy my friends are and sometimes strangers I walk by too. But everybody parading it (not intentionally, I know) in front of me..... I can''t stand, I won't!
But I don't care that you are happy...... I don't want to see how your life turned out so perfectly and how I am left picking up the pieces of mine. You can just go FUCK OFF for all I care...... I'm miserable and I don't want, well first of all, I don't want to be (who wants to be miserable?). But I don't want to deal with people who are happy. Seriously I am simply not emotionally strong enough to do that, especially when I'm in this state of mind. Usually I can tolerate how happy my friends are and sometimes strangers I walk by too. But everybody parading it (not intentionally, I know) in front of me..... I can''t stand, I won't!
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