Hi Universe!
I am fuckin' angry... Why? because I didn't make any sales today... I know, stupid yes?
Why do you have to give me days like this? Seriously? Yes, it's all learning and yes, it's all growing and there are endless fuckin' lessons, but can I just totally check out for a day? ... I think I am going to do exactly this, tomorrow and the next day, I need to take a ME day, just not do anything. Nothing fuckin' at all!
I know it's not about the money, but about creating and letting the creation flow. Honestly, it does get tiring when I make things and nobody, not yet is interested in liberating them, I would like to attract abundance to me and I already have plenty of it... I am abundant in living in the space I am, having food on the table, in the fridge, a bed to sleep in, people, a family that cares about me, an operable mind, two legs, two hands, two feet, eyes, a nose, a beautiful human form... I got a lot to be grateful for, but why oh why Universe, days like these can just go to hell! I understand this is all for me and not to me. But I still can't feel anything but angry... because I feel I am doing great things and when I don't make sales, it feels like it's all for nothing, not getting recognized, not appreciated, nothing... what are you trying to tell me Universe? Should I not be doing what I am doing? What does not making sales mean?
I need a hug.... Since mama bear is not home, I guess I'll seek it out elsewhere!
Saturday 30 May 2015
Wednesday 13 May 2015
Thoughts for the day
Someone not too long ago told me I would fall in Love with a fair-haired man... Needless to say I am now bias toward fair-haired guys... This morning I went to go buy a muffin for my breakfast at this Italian Cafe/Eatery up the street from where I live. The individual who served me was none other than a fair-haired man... I will add, he had a tattoo on his left forearm. HOT! Tattoos on men is a weakness of mine, admittedly... I have a bird tattoo on my chest and I just love it and love them in general. I think for everyone who has, there is a meaning behind their tattoo and it adds to the story that we are writing for ourSelves. I find this absolutely irresistible and rather interesting.
Anyways, I realized, as I tipped him $ .85 for placing a muffin into a bag and for cashing out my business transaction, which is his job, that I need to actually start putting myself FIRST. Instead of paying for something and then over tipping (helping someone else out) on my credit card, mind you... Always thinking of scraping money together for others without first considering my current financial situation.
Money right now is flowing to me in abundance. That is all I will say.
Even later today I intend on spending 5 bucks on books, which in a way is pocket change. Five bucks is 5 bucks, but I think of it as money that could otherwise be put toward a payment on my credit card. I don't really need the books... Perhaps, I do on some level... But I am doing it because the content sounds interesting and as though it would be enriching. I am also doing it to help my friend out.
This morning, I didn't need that muffin either. But then again, maybe I did, on some level. Or maybe it wasn't about the muffin at all, but about me learning this very lesson to which I am sitting here, writing about... Maybe it was even about the guy... Who knows?
I got together with a friend yesterday and she was sharing with me that I need to stop living from ego. Apparently my desire to have a relationship has lead me down that path. I don't know what to say about it. I can't deny that's true. I don't desire a simple physical relationship.... I need something that is fulfilling and meaningful on all levels, something that with enrich the totality of my life as a two-legged, which very much includes the essence that is my Soul and Spirit.
This friend also shared that I need to be who I wish to attract... that one is a stop everything and think, thought-provoker...
Anyways, I realized, as I tipped him $ .85 for placing a muffin into a bag and for cashing out my business transaction, which is his job, that I need to actually start putting myself FIRST. Instead of paying for something and then over tipping (helping someone else out) on my credit card, mind you... Always thinking of scraping money together for others without first considering my current financial situation.
Money right now is flowing to me in abundance. That is all I will say.
Even later today I intend on spending 5 bucks on books, which in a way is pocket change. Five bucks is 5 bucks, but I think of it as money that could otherwise be put toward a payment on my credit card. I don't really need the books... Perhaps, I do on some level... But I am doing it because the content sounds interesting and as though it would be enriching. I am also doing it to help my friend out.
This morning, I didn't need that muffin either. But then again, maybe I did, on some level. Or maybe it wasn't about the muffin at all, but about me learning this very lesson to which I am sitting here, writing about... Maybe it was even about the guy... Who knows?
I got together with a friend yesterday and she was sharing with me that I need to stop living from ego. Apparently my desire to have a relationship has lead me down that path. I don't know what to say about it. I can't deny that's true. I don't desire a simple physical relationship.... I need something that is fulfilling and meaningful on all levels, something that with enrich the totality of my life as a two-legged, which very much includes the essence that is my Soul and Spirit.
This friend also shared that I need to be who I wish to attract... that one is a stop everything and think, thought-provoker...
Sunday 10 May 2015
Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow.
Wow, it's nearly been a month since my last post. I wish I was more consistent writing here. Although there are things that I understand that need to be privately written about instead of sharing on a blog. In spite of the fact that you may or may not know those that read what you write because no one decides to comment... which is okay... to each their own! :)
So, for half of April and half of May, I was actually recovering from some sort of cold virus that was going around and had me sick for three weeks... This is probably the very first week I am starting to feel back to 100%...
And this wonderful thing that I have also been aiming to work on has been my healing package... My sister gifted me with this a few years back and it has helped me learn and grow evermore about myself. Particularly, toward a place of self-love and acceptance, which I am still very much learning to do and which is something that is also a lot more challenging, than it reads.
Basically, there are darknesses inside each of us that either make us feel cruddy, sad, mad, angry, envious; ultimately, "unloveable"; all the feelings we wish away. Yet the lesson behind each of those is important and accepting them as key components to one's Nature holds value. Yes, jealousy is an evil that can be seen as such - It is a consuming emotion that harbours hatred toward one's fellow wo/man, as opposed to love and it is always, only, ever about LOVE. Plus why waste good energy on showing, feeling jealous, when one can move passed those feelings and love that other Soul that helped their evolution along. It's such a process. Really it is and I am certainly learning each day, with new experiences and new interactions about myself, my emotional body, my shadow (as the darkness is often referred), Spirit and Soul and this EarthWalk we call Life.
In addition, to the two aforementioned activity and Ill-ness having presented themselves in my life. I have also been busy with arranging to have a business website created by the lovely graphic designer & photographer that has been a part of my lives for-ever.
ANd it is officially online and I do intend to share it here in a few days. However, there have to be some tweaks made.
In speaking of my business and growth and learning. Yesterday I was vending at a Sale at the Native Centre. I really like those Sales and it is often a hit or miss. Yesterday I made some money and more than that I met some incredible people!
I also learned to shut my big mouth. Sometimes I feel like an idiot when I divulge too much FREE information without wanting to. I know I most certainly am not an idiot, because being open and trusting people too easily is something that is a part of my Nature. I cannot see how trusting people is a bad thing. Insofar as I need to trust the right people and trust needs to be earned. Usually Spirit and Soul guides me to the release of information that, at the time, I feel appropriate in sharing. It's also conditioning I have about sharing information too openly.... Funnily enough as I was typing the word "idiot", I was misspelling it it; "idoita", "iodit". Not purposefully, although perhaps it was on a subconscious level, as the way in which I was spelling it made me recall back to my childhood when daddy dearest would say, "idiota de merda". The translation of that is "idiot of shit", which comes off as something rather distasteful for a parent to say to one's child.
I don't blame him. And this is one of the many instances to which I write about in my Healing Package. As it has caused me to develop feelings of inner discontent with myself, at times. Or, has repercussioned off, into me feeling something else at a different time. Life is all about Healing... once one recognizes that... one is set for life!!!
So, what happened yesterday was something that I will likely write about on my business blog. Yet I will mention in passing here... that just because a question is asked does not mean one has to give the answer. I have a right to share what I want with those posing questions to me... I have a right to refuse to answer, politely of course. Yesterday was a case in point and something out of nothing. I am making it into a mountain, when it was only intended to be a mole-hill. A saying borrowed from my sister... for now, I'll let sleeping dogs lay.
So, for half of April and half of May, I was actually recovering from some sort of cold virus that was going around and had me sick for three weeks... This is probably the very first week I am starting to feel back to 100%...
And this wonderful thing that I have also been aiming to work on has been my healing package... My sister gifted me with this a few years back and it has helped me learn and grow evermore about myself. Particularly, toward a place of self-love and acceptance, which I am still very much learning to do and which is something that is also a lot more challenging, than it reads.
Basically, there are darknesses inside each of us that either make us feel cruddy, sad, mad, angry, envious; ultimately, "unloveable"; all the feelings we wish away. Yet the lesson behind each of those is important and accepting them as key components to one's Nature holds value. Yes, jealousy is an evil that can be seen as such - It is a consuming emotion that harbours hatred toward one's fellow wo/man, as opposed to love and it is always, only, ever about LOVE. Plus why waste good energy on showing, feeling jealous, when one can move passed those feelings and love that other Soul that helped their evolution along. It's such a process. Really it is and I am certainly learning each day, with new experiences and new interactions about myself, my emotional body, my shadow (as the darkness is often referred), Spirit and Soul and this EarthWalk we call Life.
In addition, to the two aforementioned activity and Ill-ness having presented themselves in my life. I have also been busy with arranging to have a business website created by the lovely graphic designer & photographer that has been a part of my lives for-ever.
ANd it is officially online and I do intend to share it here in a few days. However, there have to be some tweaks made.
In speaking of my business and growth and learning. Yesterday I was vending at a Sale at the Native Centre. I really like those Sales and it is often a hit or miss. Yesterday I made some money and more than that I met some incredible people!
I also learned to shut my big mouth. Sometimes I feel like an idiot when I divulge too much FREE information without wanting to. I know I most certainly am not an idiot, because being open and trusting people too easily is something that is a part of my Nature. I cannot see how trusting people is a bad thing. Insofar as I need to trust the right people and trust needs to be earned. Usually Spirit and Soul guides me to the release of information that, at the time, I feel appropriate in sharing. It's also conditioning I have about sharing information too openly.... Funnily enough as I was typing the word "idiot", I was misspelling it it; "idoita", "iodit". Not purposefully, although perhaps it was on a subconscious level, as the way in which I was spelling it made me recall back to my childhood when daddy dearest would say, "idiota de merda". The translation of that is "idiot of shit", which comes off as something rather distasteful for a parent to say to one's child.
I don't blame him. And this is one of the many instances to which I write about in my Healing Package. As it has caused me to develop feelings of inner discontent with myself, at times. Or, has repercussioned off, into me feeling something else at a different time. Life is all about Healing... once one recognizes that... one is set for life!!!
So, what happened yesterday was something that I will likely write about on my business blog. Yet I will mention in passing here... that just because a question is asked does not mean one has to give the answer. I have a right to share what I want with those posing questions to me... I have a right to refuse to answer, politely of course. Yesterday was a case in point and something out of nothing. I am making it into a mountain, when it was only intended to be a mole-hill. A saying borrowed from my sister... for now, I'll let sleeping dogs lay.
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