How do you accept the decisions made in your past, if people from your past are still in your life..... They're not causing pain intentionally, but the reminder of the way things were is still overbearingly present and overwhelming. Is it possible to remove them completely, from your life, your thoughts?? Why would you want to?

The past is attestament to who we are today and is by no means a bad thing. So why do I feel I am going nowhere, not moving forward or anything, with friends, with school, with life. It feels like I am in the same retrograde motion that is counter productive.

It just feels like I am at square one again, beginning from the start of something that never began in the first place...

I know I shouldn't take things personally, but I often think about some of the sly remarks you make, that don't intend on being hurtful but somehow wind up being anyway, makes me wonder how much you actually learned about me, the time we spent together. cmmm, cmmm, nearly nothing

When I look back and think about where we could be.... how far we could be right now, it literally eats me up inside. That is why the past is the poison to the brain and the heart!

I think things are no more.... we are barely even friends. Thanks!!!

I gotta say that I'm a little disappointed.... but..... it doesn't matter.

The equivalent to journal writings.

I think it's kind of annoying how you always get to talk about it and I never do.

There are no mixed messages. Bull fuckin' shit!!!!!

Feels like I am just a friend.... I am just a friend, that's all I am.

I feel I have been criticized and put down in your eyes..... I'm probably wrong but.... who really knows?

Wow, I know I shouldn't jump to conclusions, I guess maybe I'm being a bit paranoid. I thought you said you were done on the 26th. I guess I may no longer be a part of your life then, if that's the case. It's probably for the best!

I don't think I should be saying any of this really, because I don't know for certain. Things aren't definitive. But I can't say I'm surprised or am really actually all that bothered. I've grown used to it.

They are holding you hostage. My heart just so happens to be there with you.

Sometimes, more so lately, I've been thinking about how different things would be between us... if this, if that..... but I can't continue to do that. I need to know things are going to be good between us!

I miss how easy things once were...

I think I found you, and I am terrified that someone can easily take you away from me with just one word, "No".

I may be paranoid but I hope they don't secretly know you were once mine and they are trying to keep you from me. I hope to hear from them soon!

When I saw someone today that looked like you from the back (just their jacket), it hit me how much I actually miss you!

Watch us fizzle into nothingness!

I could say I've put my everything into this, I've given it my all, but I haven't and I can't continue to try.

Only the good parts!

I like my alone time, yes, but this is too much!!!

Why don't you fuckin' understand?????

Are we compelled to cheat?

I blacked out, and fainted this morning. No body knows.... I thought about telling my sister, but with her stress right now it wouldn't be good. My mom wasn't home and I can't tell my brother or dad.

And then this reminded me of when Miranda almost choked to death while eating Chinese Food alone. It made me say to myself, "wow, I fainted and no one was there to catch me"

Loneliness it's a scary thought.

ANd why when things are good we have an inclination toward messing them up????..... We complicate our own lives.....

It is clear that there is always going to be that one person in our lives that, no matter what kind of healthy, happy-go-lucky relationship we are in, we will simply drop anything just to be with that one person that seemingly completes us, but has a tendency to treat us like shit!

No, I will never cheat on a boyfriend, lover, husband, I don't have it in me. No matter how tempted. I would never want to be HURT like that and I have enough respect for both myself and my partner to not put them through that turmoil. Especially after how much Carrie hurt Adian on Sex and the City. I can't even imagine doing that.
Adian was a sweetheart. the biggest sweetheart ever. And it's a shame he ended up with a broken heart after their break -up.

On my subway commute to school this morning it dawned on me that perhaps everyone, everywhere is inextricably attracted to those that will cause us pain, those that do not satisfy us. and those we simply cannot/ are hardest to obtain. Why is that??? IS it because we feel we do not deserve those that treat us good and why is it that an any sign of "perfection" we look and seek out the flaws. We are trained by nature to do this.... WHY? The answer lies within the subconscious and I am determined to find out! Perhaps if we retrain our minds to think that we are deserving of those that treat us well and that we deserve the ultimate and seemingly unattainable, happiness that is out there for everyone then we can begin to accept and embrace all that we have... GOOD + GOOD!

How can something end, when it never began?

I guess that's it, we're no longer friends....... who am I kidding thinking this was/is a relationship.

“Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free til they find someone just as wild to run with them.”

"Ladies, I'm having an epiphany. THe world is made up of two types of women. The simple girls and the Katie girls. I'm a Katie" 

Everyone needs a Steve Brady in their life.

What I want is YOU, why is that so hard to accept!???

As if I'm not self restricted enough!

The sad thing is I know what's best for me, and I don't think you're it. And that truly makes me alexithymic.

To truly hate is an art one learns in time

People tend to complicate their own lives, as if living weren't already complicated enough.

Presents are made for the pleasure of who gives them, not for the merits of who received them

I met someone today that was awe-inspiring. Just Beautiful inside and out. She reminded me of a friend of mine, which to be honest I didn't particularly like, but she was a sweetheart and really got me thinking about the type of person that I can and actually want to be, and what I can do with my life.  It was an incredible insight.

Obviously, as is the case with most people who give you a good feeling when you first meet them, and really leave you with a positive impression, you want to learn more about them, in her case I wanted to learn EVERYTHING about her. Hahaha. SHE was just that Interesting. And I could have continued to talk to her for hours, sharing my life story. But it was time we didn't have yet...

Her energy was contagious and that's exactly the type of person I want to aspire to be like - a person with contagious energy! Someone as attractive as her.

We have both fallen into the pinnacle of where we don't want to be!

I don't want to think about it now, it'll take too much out of me. I'll think about it later, when I have more time for freedom!

I think I found the solution.....

How do you know enough is enough?

I know it doesn't matter because I am already here, but had I not left, things would have been different, wouldn't they have been???

Life's a bitch when it don't treat you right!

There is a cloud of doubt above my head now. Of course I wish it was washed away with sunshine and blue skies. But that's all wishful thinking.

Everybody says the same thing, that I should just let go, because I've been hanging on for far too long and that it's not really fair to me, I'm the one reluctant to believe them because they aren't in the same position as me to understand what I am going through,  so I am the only one that can really see what the situation is for what it is.

And so I can't help but feel is it worth fighting for, or am I fighting for a lost cause?

I want to say I'm there for you, but I'm afraid that's too much!