Here is a song I am so into right now... the words... so AMAZING!!! :)

I am back....

I'm back home from my journey to the Eastern Coast of Canada.

It was such a beautiful trip. Met a lot of incredible PEIple. ANd since I did not sleep last night I am so tired, in fact my eyes are closed as I writes this.... It feels like I haven't slept in days, really. I don't even know how and where I am finding the energy to write this, but I am...

I so wish there was a remedy, some kind of something special that can make me help work through it is whatever it is you are going through. It makes me sad and hurt, a little, even though it is not about me, but about what you are facing and what you are feeling and choose to feel it out by yourself. Perhaps to not have the burden placed on others. I have no idea what it is all about.... for now, I am just too tired to think about it, about anything really but shut eye.  That being said, I do feel it is a challenge you are working through, lets leave it at that.

I hope that you do what is best for you.. I know that you do and always will.

The Night of tthe Last

Tonight, I cannot sleep.

I am going home to Toronto from PEI tomorrow morning. I need to leave at 5am. It is currently two and I need to be up for 4 in the morning.

Crazy how sometimes when you need sleep your body disagrees and says no instead. Rejecting the thought as if you could stay awake forever.

That is how I feel right now. Awake, wide awake. Oh, so wide awake. So much on my mind and so excited to return to my beloved Toronto.

There is so much to do upon my return home. Looking forward to it all.

Love you world, thank you for everything!

Goosebumps

This was my horoscope yesterday only one person came to mind... smiles, heart flies and love...
A wise inner voice is leading you towards a destination that you cannot yet see. In spite of your doubts and reservations, you will, when the time is right, connect up with a certain person who believes in you and recognizes your true talent. A surprisingly supportive cosmic picture is watching over you.

Trip encounter with an unlawful fellow

So I am in Prince Edward Island and have been for the past , almost week... I am coming up to six days here today, Monday.

And upon physical trip travelling one would like to meet and connect with  the right kind of friendly, nice people that one needs to meet while visiting said location.

I am a sweetheart. I am as nice to people I am meeting for the first time, as I possibly can be and I try to be as helpful as posssible, given the circumstance. Kindness it is in my DNA.

I am staying at the hostel in CHarlottetown and it is wonderful. I have already met some pretty incredible people and some mainly ONE, really uncomfortably-feeling type person. I know that things are present if you give them energy. And equally, everyone along your path is to have met you, either for their self-growth and healing, or for your self growth and healing, But, this person is difficult to shake... There is actually something really powerfully negative there. Not saying that it is fully bad, necessarily it is just something that he would have to work on....Anyways.

I am an attractive female. Since my trip I have received the googly eye on-looker-stare down that basically summates what males think of me physically.... This person is no exception. He is staying at the same hostel as I am and has given me several compliment-remarks. Being ins such proximity is in part what makes me feel so uneasy.  Thank goodness he is leaving tonight because he makes me very uncomfortable. 

Here is how the story goes....
Since I am so nice and try to be helpful and more so KIND than anything else, I knew that he had left to go out camping around the Brackley Beach area and was coming back for a night, I set aside a 2$ coupon for him to save upon his final stay here at the hostel. You know because I do have plenty of them and therefore would like to get rid of them, but also because I thought it would be a nice gesture.....WEll, guess what! BIG MISTAKE.

Not only do some males prefer not to get help, but I felt as though he was downright offended when he found out it was me.... because the positive, you are-so-attractive, kind of attention he was giving to me was switched to a bitterness and a seeming hatred that I felt very cold. You know.... of all the philosophies that teach to not takes things personally and to let things go and just be the kind, loving, caring person that ever human being needs to be, this interaction stopped me DEAD in my tracks because it was behaviour and an attitude that I did not feel good about. IN fact, it was one that I was not expecting. And that is the other thing about life and philosophies, NO EXCEPTIONS is best. When one walks into something with expectation that is setting up for disappointment right there. Not all the time I am sure, but it definitely throws you threw a loop when things turn out differently than from what you were anticipating. Even the good kind of different can still be pretty striking.

In any case that is that. This happened yesterday and the reason I guess I am still thinking about it is because I simply cannot shake off the feelings I have, surrounding the experience until I vent, so this is what this is for me write now (hahaha get it)... ventalation that is allowing me to breathe.

It was also difficult for me not to be hurt from his dismissal of my kindness because I semi-went out of my  way to do something nice for someone, out of the goodness of my heart and it got turned away. Granted, some people do not have to be all receptive and can, within their right decline a gesture of good heart, but it is always best, I find anyway to be completely open-minded about it and to accept help when given, even if you are a man and that sometimes is a hard thing to do. Especially in order to maintain the matcho exterior and the I-can-figure-things-out-on-my-own-because-I-am-a-man mentality. Judgement free zone, but the latter comment is simply from experience.

I feel lighter already. Amazing sharing!

Celebration of Days gone by..... :)

today was my last day at work. For the past year I have been working at a cafe.... and for the past several years I have been serving coffee.

I can fINALLY say today... that chapter of my life is now oVER....  I am done being a barista, working in the service industry..... "service" as defined by society...  My universal service is just beginning. In fact, that is the next chapter of my life that continues to unravel with each new day and each step I take..... smiling all day every day from this day forward!!! :)

here is a video that is absolutely beautiful and is befitting to new Chapters.

Room

6:05 pm on August 5th, I am done the glue removal.... over joyed!!! :)

my hands are thanking me and my heart is smiling!!!!

tomorrow's agenda: sanding, and then second last shift at the cafe.

By the end of the week I will be painting.... :) booya!

The Calling....

so there are a few things that have been calling me to do, before I head off to work... one read an email in my inbox named, "trust the Universal Intelligence"... I personally like, "Trust the Universe" better and to read up on deer... and the symbolical meaning behind why it has shown up in your life.... I've been thinking quite a bit of them.... who knows what that means, so let's find out.....

Glass

this song is really resonating with me & has been for a while now....

A country song, fit for the entire world! 

Smile, the light of life

The wind is blowing, the sun is shinning, it's 10am and it feels like it is going to be such beautiful day.... feeling incredible.... Also, Phil boothstars, this is why I love you, "You’ve developed a tendency to worry over what are essentially small overblown issues. This is understandable when placed in context with the tension that surrounds you. Still, you mustn’t let that those clouds obscure the light shining on your future. Your concerns are centered on a molehill that more likely to shrink than grow."

happiness runs in a circular motion....

ps.

It's official, my right arm is more toned than my left.... time to balance the scales.

feelings still under the surface.

The anniversary of your passing brought forward a most precious gift.... Thank you. :)

This is about a month over due, but this is your song.... goosebumps....

please know that you are thought of often, and fondly.... In fact, I have a customer that is such a princess and he reminds me of you. Not saying that you were ever, or are a princess, but the similarities are uncanny.... From what I observe, he is also a gentle giant type. Miss you Dan Dematteis..... I also was going through some old papers today and stumbled across the one I had written all the cheese varieties down that you brought into my life.... the deliciousness of the Cottage and Niagara Gold cheeses live on.  Happiness where you are. 

One day.... is all it took...

to be in pain..... my right hand feels like it's completely warped, my right arm and shoulder are aching.... ah and I still have half the floor left to scrape.... wonderful! :) I should have been doing this more consistently throughout the summer. Primer is almost finished.

For anyone embarking upon a home redecoration project and are doing the tedious task of tile stripping..... goo be gone* is a Godsend at helping to remove some of the excess glue on the floor boards underneath... I am trying to salvage the wooden floor and I must say am quite pleased with the work I have done so far.... I still have a lot more to do, but it will soon all be worth it.... hmmm lets see, dates.... August 11th, everything must be done, so I can move in. That is the deadline I am giving myself, which means....scrape, prime, paint, varnish.... 4 major things.... oh boy.... it can and will be done!

On another note, a friend from Katimavik is coming for a visit next week.... it's been nearly 5 years since we all parted ways.... I've only seen one other member from my group.... wait, 2. I'm anticipating seeing her, her and I were super close, have drifted, as can be expected, but it's going to be interesting to see what it is like being in her company again.... Changes, let me count the ways.

Hopefully we will get a chance to go to the Island.... haven't been there since grade school.

Intuition

It's funny, not funny, I love how my intuition just knows..... this is one way my spirit is connecting to me, but of the two places where I could potentially get my tattoo, of course I had to have a specific feeling from one of them... I right kind of feeling. :)

Alacrity.... beauty of a word

..... "Embrace change with alacrity and you’ll find that the stars help you achieve one of your most cherished dreams." Part of my horoscope for the day... don't know what I originally planned to write with that. I just thought this was such a wonderful addition to my vocabulary.... alacrity.... sounds so pretty...

So, there was that.... the other few things worth mentioning are... I am doing a decoration project at home.... we are talking tile stripping, floor sanding, wall painting, the whole shebang, minus the sledge-hammer. Today, I went to the hardware store and found the most incredible putty knife. It's got a curve to help scrap the rollers and I am so absolutely excited about it!!!! It's really sharp too, so I will be done scrapping the remnants of glue off the floor in no time.

the final thing is just a note on "awkwardness". It came to me this morning and I feel I need to share it... So, many people think that awkwardness is weird, unpleasant, unacceptable if you will. After all it is awkward right, otherwise there would be a different term to describe it. But to me.... it is something that needs to be embraced more often.... why are things awkward in certain circumstances? If you say it, it helps to alleviate the pressure, but it's still there, in the air somewhere.... what really needs to be done is to take a deep breath and absorb all the awkwardness that situation has to offer and accept it's presence. And move on... Again, I feel it's something that is awesome and it makes so many people uncomfortable, but really that uncomfortableness is okay too.... we don't have to be comfortable all the time.... and just letting things be helps.... :)

Transpiration...

Hi dear friends,

How long has it been???

A while, huh?

Well, a lot has happened during the past few weeks of me not writing.

I don't really know what has prevented me from writing more. Perhaps, I didn't feel the need to write, because I was going through whatever it was I needed to go through to get to where I am right now.... which is exactly where I need to be. :)

First, I would like to start this crazy post by (only because I just finished brushing them) saying that I often get comments on my teeth.... "Natasza, you have amazing teeth, have you ever had braces?"

Thankfully, the answer is a strong and repugnant, "No, I have not had braces." Actually, I am one of the lucky ones that did have a gap between her teeth and it naturally closed. Now my teeth are just super straight.  No one has commented me on the whiteness of my teeth, not yet anyway.... but the trick and this one is seldom known and recently learned.... Neem oil and toothpaste. Be for warned because the Neem oil is potent and strong and is a taste that needs to be acquired (it is rather putrid), but it helps to work.... also banana skin.... the inside of a banana peel, rubbing that on your teeth helps to whiten them. Of course these things can be taken with a grain of salt as it may or may not work/ apply/ resonate with every/any one but.... these are just some thoughts that are coming to me and I feel like sharing them.... going with the flow with how I feel this post should go and that is splattered everywhere, like a blank canvas and a few dozen pails of paint.

Hmmmm, what else can I share.... On my birthday I received a gift from my friend K* she bought me something from Indigo and had a gift receipt slipped in with the purchase as well. It was A-mazing, because I had some time to leaf through the book originally bought and return it... basically I felt terrible about what I was reading and could no longer have that book in my possession, that is how strongly I felt about it. I used the gift receipt to buy some Tree Oracle cards..... oOOOOooooo Ahhhhhhhh. That fit is much better. I use them and they are so gracious.... trees in general, ALL trees are such gracious beings.... Love them all. They really hit home for me... so that is something I have been doing. Although, that is fifteen minutes of my day....maybe less?

There is this BIG thing with Ted* that has happened, my world... kind of BIG.

I feel like this is such a remedy post, in hopes of "fixing" or "erasing", or "rewriting" and reversing all the prior posts to this one that are INTENSELY written. But, you know what..... there is absolutely no point for that because it is what it is. I wrote and shared my experiences and could not be more happier with ALL of them than I am right now....... I am actually on some kind of high.... a high that is definitely good and positive and imbuing with light and love..... NO MATTER what happens. And that is an absolutely incredible feeling. I could jump up and down forever, except now I am yawning and need to go to bed soon. ANyways.... so I guess in a word.... reversing the damage I feel some posts prior to this one have created, is what this post was initially intended for, but, BUT... the meaning is soon changing.....

So, another thing I did was purchase a bunch more books of which I have yet to get into fully, but am totally psyched about them all. MOre on spirituality and ways to advance myself along my current gorgeous path. :)

OH there is this AMAZING news.... I am so, so, so, so EXCITED to be going on my trip to PEI. I am so excited about the connections I will make there. And quite frankly the most exciting part is that it just called me and I am going there..... I have never had a place just call me and me to go and be there for whatever it is that I need to be present for.... but my heart is smiling and goosebumps are trickling all over my body..... that's how you know it's a good decision. and SIGN. :)

I would share the events of what have taken place with Ted* but that story is still unfolding.....  I helped set it in motion, whatever is going to happen, will happen. But that is really all that needs to be said, written, conveyed, right now...

Oh my Goodness, I almost forgot.... I am in love, IN LOVE with the Tiger now..... so cute!!!! I was going through some old stuff, in my keep sake and my closet in hopes of eliminating things that no longer need to be in my life and came across a childhood stuffed plush "toy" tiger. I liked tigers than and therefore they have come back into my life as I seem to not stop thinking of them, or they are in the back of my head always... I changed my desktop and it's a sleeping beauty tiger, who looks so peaceful and soft....so cute. :)

This post has been a scatter plot... hasn't it? I would say I accomplished that! :)

Good night amazing people of the world!




*name altered