Ashes to ashes, dust to dust

Ash tree is a beloved friend of mine. Today she gave me medicine that is the most valuable gift. "Gain mastery over yourself by accepting who you are and fearlessly looking at all aspects of your personality. Strive to be objective and rational, rather than being swept along by subjective emotion"

My goal today is to get on the other side... right now I am at the end of that quote.... I need to be somewhere situated in the middle. :)

Love, be love, by the Grace that is!

Repeat....

Today is SOME day, huh?

All the changes I am going through I am starting to feel..... a little more and more, as time goes on....

I know mulling over my own thoughts is a terrible thing to do especially when they seem to take you to the deep intricacies of your own mind and those places can be very dark.... But one of the gifts is teaching me to absorb into these feelings, so I can be absolved from them, freed, liberated...

I feel a little caught up in my own dullness, a good thing for the time being expect, I need to actually start studying for a midterm exam I have Friday, before I continue to drone on like this......

It isn't entirely bad I'm sure. After all everything has a purpose right?

I'm listening to the same song, it's been playing over and over for the past half hour and I know that things are.... they just ARE....

I'm smiling as I write this because there are so many feelings coming to the surface, that only truly deserve to be shared with the Universe.

But Torture of the High Seas, an entry I did not complete with reasons I had decided upon before,  well I did the same thing I did that day, again about 5 minutes ago... I don't know why we, females or even people in this day and age in general, have a tendency to torture ourselves over the previous involvements of the people we now care about, or would like to claim we care so deeply for.... Why do humans feel the need to feel jealousy, or anger?

this doesn't make sense to me..... I respect people's pasts as they have only brought them further in their journey on this Earth, so why am I thinking it such a big deal to check out someone's profile on fBook. Who I don't even know? C'mon Natasza you are totally better than that... You are Amazing and it doesn't take long for anyone to see that.... why try to intentionally bring yourself down????

Not to mention we are all one.... and whatever you find you do not like in another just means it is something you have not come to terms with within yourself....  I'm not jealous.... I am just feeling a whole lot more than I have been. This is a good thing, as I have somewhat been lacking in that department......

One of my go-to songs... Do It For Me Now, by Angels and Airwaves, Tom DeLong's voice... wow... it could make Queens fall. A Little's Enough is another fantabulous song! :)

Feel today and all days to follow!

Today was a one. Beautiful in it's splendour. I connected with who I needed to connect with. "Reawaken, Rethink, Redefine, Reimagine, Relive, Rebirth, Recapture, Repurpose, Reclaim, Restart".... words from the Organic Raw Kombucha drink that is absolutely delicious. All words that describe a number 1 day...... new beginnings.... I'm trying not to think about the inevitable closure of something that was short lived... perhaps, barely lived, because there is always a sense of sadness that accompanies such things.... And I really would like everything to just work out... hahaha I am catching myself with these words in my mouth, because EVERYTHING always does work out..... The Universe is always on our side. It may be difficult to see at times, because new beginnings are often marked as painful endings.


Love, love, love, that's all this world is

My Tattoo.

Back in August I got a tattoo that really resonates. My first one and I couldn't be more happy with it.

Here is the best picture I've got! :)

The Message.

"The Message Silence, They Say, Is The Voice Of Complicity. / But Silence Is Impossible./ Silence Screams. / Silence Is A Message, / Just as Doing Nothing Is An Act. / Let Who You Are Ring Out and Resonate / In Every Word and Every Deed. / Yes, Become Who You Are. / There's No Sidestepping Your Own Being / Or, Your Own Responsibility. / What You Do Is Who You Are / You Are Your Own Comeuppance. / You Become Your Own Message. / You Are The Message"- Leonard Peltier

This quote has inspired me. I read it when I went to see the Ghost Dance Exhibit at my School's Art Gallery. It's on Native Peoples and a part of their history, some at Wounded Knee, The Oka Crisis. The Art is compiled in such a way to evoke emotion. Doesn't all art do that in some form or another? Singing, music can bring someone to tears, bring courage and strength to one's heart, make one smile. A painting, sculpture, photo or otherwise can move someone to Silence. Even Nature, which is to me, the truest of the Artforms can render someone speechless. It often does that to me, time and time again. Art is powerful and art is intricately interwoven within our own fabric as BEings and two-leggeds that walk the Earth....

This brings me to citing two of my favourite quotes... One that I see, ever so often at the The Big Carrot, a health food store in the East end of Toronto on a pillar, just in their courtyard that I infrequently go... "The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart"- Helen Keller mmmmhmmmm, breathe that in... so gorgeous.

The other quote is one I said about my body being Nekkid... It just so happened to be on the Internet too. It was for a friends project, which now has exploded into a new form of thinking- Body Pride of one's self in the human form.... Here is my quote "I have been blessed to receive the gift of my beautiful body from Creator God (my precious friend, Nicole’s words) I love it, I’m proud of it, I’ve embraced it, in all it’s glory. It’s my living human art form, and it’s gorgeous.” – Natasza O.F. " 

All of us are PERFECT just the way we are and we need to start and continue to embrace all the beauty and gorgeousness that is our BEingness. 

I was writing a journal entry for my homework; my Philosophy readings and I was so tempted to say that there is no Universal viewpoint. But there is....The Universal viewpoint is LOVE. and it would have taken a lot longer than the 200 words I had left remaining for my assignment, to explain that, but it is so true.... the language we all Understand is Love.... After all, it is our very core. We may not know how to define it, but we know how to express it and live by it.... Again, it comes back to Helen Keller's quote.... the best and most beautiful things are felt through the heart.

mhhmmmmmm, breathe that in. 

Today I have to do something, say something to a friend that a care for. The depth of my caring has not yet been experienced by myself or the individual involved. It is something that is unfolding as it does and I have no expectation on how the day will prevail, namely, just this event. However, I am nervous and calm at the same time. Being in his presence is soothing, yet I am a mess, emotionally & mentally. 

I'll be able to hold it together though. I am strong, I am fierce, I am confident and I am courageous. Among many other things. 

Chi mig-wetch Universe, Chi mig-wetch for it all!!! 

Oh yeah, for those of you interested in seeing what my friend has to offer... her page. http://tobeaslut.com/ 

dream of the Underworld?

I had a dream last night, actually about a 45 minutes ago that I was awoken from. Someone who I do not talk to anymore and is barely in my life, I ran into her while I was still in Charlottetown (where I came back from nearly a month ago now). She looked sad and we hugged as she told me her mom had apparently died. That's huge I thought.... I mean a parent. Someone who raised you to be the person you are (not in all cases) today. So we went to the yoga studio that my friend and I had just come out of, and talked.... minimally, until my alarm went off.

I was interested in going deeper, yet waking up with such vivacity. I knew I had to do something to find out what I could.

I typed in "death in dream" into the search bar on google.. The hits were not of liking. I then typed in, "death of an associate's parent dream" and got something that resonated. It was in an article called,  Dreaming of Death and Dying: The Meaning of Death Dreams. A good read. 

I was particularly struck with feelings of negativity. It was just a powerful, sharp dream that was painless. This is what I read from that article that made my spirit speak "Some believe that death is a positive sign that the dreamer will have prosperity and longitivity." 

Usually, when I have a dream, it is representative of something happening in the peoples' lives that I have dreamt about, however symbolic dreams are of the dreamer's inner world....

Here, I will send her a message, ask if things are good.

It's grey skies where I am. A perfect day to read and catch up on some University assignments.

Love. Enjoy your beautiful days that are! :)

So I just realized... somewhat epiphany style. Love.... it's undefinable, so why bother trying to define something that is impossible to define?

Exactly, there is no point in trying. Somethings are better left to the feelings of the heart and soul! :)

A Note on Best-friendships

Disclaimer: These are my thoughts and freedom of expression allows me to write what I have written. If anyone is offended those are not my intentions.

Hmmm. I am writing here today because of the type of feelings I've been having lately.... Ever since a few days ago I have been feeling lonelish. I would not like to say definitively, LONE---LY. But what really sparked this feeling was my friend, whom I adore. I met her while away in PEI and she recently posted a "22 reasons your best friend is your significant other" on one of her best friends walls on facebook.

There is a lot of hogwash out there, this not being one of them (although this too, to some extent still needs to be taken with a grain of salt) but with facebook there is almost always that need to see what others are up to and what is going on in other peoples' lives.... this hit home for me, simply because I don't have a best friend yet. I thought a little as to why it bothered me, or instantly affected me, after seeing said article. And that was the reason.... I don't have a best friend YET. keyword: yet. I have thought about this for some time now and truth be told, I've always thought of my future husband being my best friend. Point. Blank. And Simple.

There's nothing really further to say except there is no point to be jealous of those who have this type of relationship already.... because just because one does not have it now, doesn't mean that they will not have it at all.

I'm really excited about a new adventure to begin with someone. Chi-mig-wetch Universe. :)

Based on what I've written regarding loneliness, there is this quote that is very fitting (see below), just because if you're alone that doesn't necessarily translate into lonliness, it can be the one thing you need to do for yourself, to help bring your BEing into alignment- it's a blessing. In our society, we are conditioned to believe that we need to be in public, engaging with people 24/7 and that is insanity... Being alone is a wonderful thing. Sometimes, when we do let our thoughts pervade our minds and focus on loneliness, it can be unwelcomed and unpleasant. However, even that is something to be embraced.

This photo is copywritten to EffortlessPeace.com

Beauty to something new :)

Before I head downstairs to make my lunch I would like to make a declaration of excitement to the Universe to let Creator God know that I am so happy, happy, happy to be alive today.

I'm excited about what is to come. I got a call today from a place I applied to and I see myself being a part of their team. It's as a dog walker. My friend, who is referenced as the "you" in the previous post told me that I should be one and I took that idea and flew with it, because I am so ecstatic at the opportunity for even just an interview.

It's tomorrow and I am so excited about it!

The will of Devine Source is on my side!

I love life!

Feelings out in the open.... READY, set, Go!

And so here I am. I'm going to be as honest with you as I know I need to be with myself.

Disclaimer: This is highly personal and can get very deep.

I like you. Or maybe I like the idea of liking you....Either way, I feel attached to you because my emotional investment in "this" has been for a greater period of time than I would really care to admit. In June, perhaps even in May,  is when it started. When I first saw you, your beautiful blue eyes, your big, open, clean, pure heart, your kindness & compassion. All of this and so many other undefinable things were just there, present in your BEingness. I was so excited and in AWE to witness it everyday, or nearly everyday. It brought joy to my heart and a smile to my face. It was bliss, it is bliss knowing you.

I would like to feel something more than what I do right now. I feel neutral about a lot of things.... the prevalence of this stagnant energy is consuming. I would like to do something so passionately spontaneous that it blows your socks right off - by the skin of your teeth. Hahaha. I'm doing good- in an excellent mood today.

I love spending time with you, getting to know you is all so invigorating. The first night I caught myself thinking, "wow, this is actually happening. He is sitting right next to me, I can't believe it!"And then there's this thing that's keeping me reserved and yet keeping me coming back for more - it's fear btw, partially. I'm scared, terrified actually of receiving what it is I feel I deserve. And thinking about this just makes me cry.  That is the side of me, my emotions that are overflowing yet "difficult to explain" (or, so I would like to believe). I feel there is a side of me not opening up because of that fear of me getting hurt.... well, boyah Natasza, because as much as we try to prevent hurt and pain, it happens, pain is growth's evil twin. In essence, pain is good.

I'm trying to work around this idea that things unravel as they need to. They do, they really do. After-all, the Universe is wonderful, as many times I try to deny it or her beauty I know that she is great, a beautiful crazy mystery. And I have lived to love absolutely every minute of it.... In spite of feeling otherwise at times.

Yes there is your life and my life, naturally there needs to be. We are all walking our own paths and need the freedom to do so. I am battling in a long way to begin mine. Find my truth, or accept my truth and come to some decision as to how I will aspire to make it ALL happen. That is something else that is taking place in my life, pretty much there, in it's full frickin' throttle.

I've asked my guides... Our lives are interwoven my friend, for the worse and for the better. I'm ready for it or, maybe I have to convince myself that I am. But I'm here and I'm doing things that I need to do, as are you.  The blood line, you're a part of my life now, perhaps it's my tenacity but I'm not letting go anytime soon.

I've been listening to this song, throughout the duration of me writing this entry.... I've come to believe it's very fitting.

P.S.
This is me, a part of who I am

Collapse, Crash, Boom, Aw, Yay.

Today while eating breakfast I was pondering a thought.... what if the market was really a free one? No, "free market" economy with little government and state control, but what if there was just no money. Period.... let's sit with that for a while and breathe that in.... NO MONEY!

That would mean, everyone who worked would be considered volunteers and would do it for the sheer pleasure of doing something good, you know because it feels good in your heart as opposed to doing it for the paycheque one receives every two weeks or, in some cases every so often.

Imagine that though. That would mean everyone is on the same boat in terms of socio-economic class, perhaps that kind of categorization doesn't even exist?.... unfortunately there are those that would be more inclined to take a lot more than others and leave little for those that remain, but I'd like to think that there would be equal sharing among society's members. So barter and trade, sharing, LOVE and compassion, kindness and light, beauty and breath, that's it. Breath that in, what a wonderful thought eh?

Utopia in my mind or my shot at trying to change the heavy system upon system that is already built up within society, within our mind so high that we need about ten thousand bulldozers to knock them down and out of our BEing for good.

Have an incredibly BEaUtiful day today. Go out and do some good! :)

My writing, my outlet.

Hello world!

Last night and tonight were the nights I decided to watch a documentary film on psychotropic drugs.

What lead me to do this was actually a short film on education by Ken Robinson. He mentions ADHD in his film and says that he believes it doesn't really exist. I agree because it is one of the made up "psychological disorders" claimed to be so by pharmaceutical companies and psychiatrists alike. In fact, it is probably in the DSM.

 EEEEEEEEEEEE (imagine the dead tone of a heart monitor in the hospital).

Anyways it is a film that has opened my eyes, even more so than they are already.

I have graciously been raised by my mom and dad, respectfully. My mom has high values when it comes to health and alternative medicine. I love her for it because that means that I have not had any needle injected into me, unless it was for drawing blood.

ANd my kids... the ones that I will one day have, will not touch or even go near such things as this toxic stuff. If my life depends on it....

To all who read this. The following is a STRONG recommendation for you all to watch. be MINDful!

I don't think I posted an announcement on this, but I went back to Trinity Bellwoods the following morning and retrieved my Moqui ball from under that wonderful great tree that protected it so. Thank you tree. :)

Water and Earth

The compatibility of the turtle and frog clans brought tears to my eyes!

Awoken at an early hour

It's almost 20 after 5 and I cannot sleep. Some people believe this is due to others thinking or dreaming about you.... I can agree, but other reasons for me being awake may possibly be having too much on my mind, something happening to any one particular loved one or any other kind of Powerful Universal Shift.

I would love to contact everyone I know to ask if they are safe and Happy.

Or maybe, mine being awake has to deal with the fact of me not being able to get my stone out of my head.....  a stone that came into my life, for a reason and I know that if I am unable to find it today that it is the will of Devine Source,  yet it is a stone that is dear to me and that does resonate quite a bit.

Or Perhaps, get this? the New Lunar month began at roughly the time I was awoken, 4:30ish. Gotta  Love the Universe.

Creator, you are a wonderful, beautiful mystery to me and I adore you!

Moqui Ball please come back to me! :)

This afternoon I spent some time with a very special person. Now, I do not know when this took place but I lost my Moqui ball shaman stone. We were hanging out in the park so hopefully it is by the tree we were sitting next to. I will definitely need to go back and see for myself tomorrow... here's hoping the Universe knows what is best.

Good night world!